my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you mean i was at the winter classic?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
