I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
