Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
