I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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