no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
