well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
