I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
