i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
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