He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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