Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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