1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
