Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
