My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
