Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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