We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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