You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
