Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
