no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
