zippers are such a cool invention
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
