JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
