Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
