Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
