I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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