I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
