Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
