The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
