I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
