He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
