If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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