I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
