I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
