it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
