dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
