I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
