So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
