I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
