the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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