so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
