A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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