I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
