my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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