Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
