Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You pole danced in your parka.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
