idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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