We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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