margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
