It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
