Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
