I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
