I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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