My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
