I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
