I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
