when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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